Critters Run, too! (or: accidental training partners)

We bi-peds are not the only creatures on the planet that run, crawl, or otherwise seem to feel that a major part of our reason for being is to be in motion. This is obvious, but what begs for our deeper scrutiny is what happens when species collide. I'm talking about those unplanned moments when Guam's runners and Guam's wildlife meet as "accidental training partners" (and we're not talking about Hashers!).

Guam is host to a kaleidescope of various ground huggers which seem to wax abundant and then wane into near extinction in cycles of every few years. We have African snails (who know how they got here! we don't control our own immigration on Guam). Some years these critters are so abundant that they leave glistening snail snot all over the place: walls, driveways, trees, etc.! It was this phenomenon that resulted in the now famous saying "at a snails pace."

In 1995, while running the Valentine's Day Couples 5K fun run, which started and finished appropriately enough at Two Lover's Point (honestly, its true!), the course was literally peppered, from side-to-side for the whole mile and a half out and back, with perfectly uniform, beige and ghost-white 1 1/2 inch slugs. There was not a place on the course you could step without squishing 4-5 of them under each foot fall. Running over these barely mobile vienna sausages posed tremendous slippage problems to some 120 runners, whose running form degenerated from a graceful gait to something more akin to G.I.s high-stepping through tires on an obstacle course or 120 Greeks crushing grapes at a wine-making festival. Forget about fast times! The runners' encounter with creature reduced them to a snail's pace as they attempted to circumnavigate between tiny slicks of slug goo.

And what Guam runner hasn't seen a "reflection" of himself or herself in the sun-baked, near-mummified remains of road-killed toads (teasingly nicknamed "Guam Frisbees" because their flattened bodies resemble the size and shape of said famous toy.)? Their legs are sprawled outwards, faces frozen in a variety of agonized expressions, with little toad fists rigidly flexed as if still in protest against the oncoming vehicle that did them in. I have often on a Saturday morning 5K, as the mercury reached 82F at 7 a.m., pointed downward at one of these sun-baked road toads and remarked to whoever was running along side, "See that? That's me! Right now!"

I have not only run with slugs and toads (not to be confused with Marsh and Makilong!), I have also out sprinted the infamous Brown Tree Snake. I can already hear the groans of protest from sensitive locals saying, "Puh-leeeze! don't add to the already exaggerated tales about Guam's snake problem." We all know that Guam's snakes are nocturnal and do not hang like spaghetti from every tree branch and fence. And we know that power outages, which the Guam Power Authority blames on the snakes is true only about 2% of the time. But I actually did run with a brown tree snake one evening (they are nocturnal, remember?).

I was doing hill training and had my wife drop me at the bottom of the hill leading up to our house atop Mt. Alutom. I had just safely gotten past "Mad Rex" and "Tiger"-- the two deranged dogs and self-appointed terrors of the hill. Thankful that I had not aroused any unwanted canine curiosity or worse, I sighed briefly and then in my peripheral vision I detected a dark moving silhouette heading uphill directly along the center line of the asphalt road. I turned my head right and looked more closely only to see a 3 1/2 foot, 1" diameter perscope moving at a purposeful clip in the same direction toward my house. Fully 1/3 of its body, from its mid-point to its head, arced upwards off the road. The snake's head was a foot or so off the ground leading the rest of it body in slithering tow. We ran side-by-side briefly (as briefly as my legs would allow!). Just as silently and unobtrusively as I was able, I slipped past, only momentarily tempted to call out, "Passing on the left ..." as I went by.

I figured if I got home first I could always get my machete and greet the snake at my doorstep. But the snake was only doing a 5 miler and the turn-around point for that distance was about 1/8th of a mile below my home. We never met for what would have been certain death if he'd showed up. I've not done the same run since.

I have encountered wild boars on trail runs in Finegayan (fin-e-gawd-gen), startled and flushed game birds from the bush and faced off with demento dogs while training on Guam. Some of these encounters have been occasions for pure wonderment and appreciation for all things wise and wonderful all creatures great and small. Other meetings have propelled me to personal bests and impromptu speed work. Whatever the result, if it doesn't bite, I'll gladly share the road with all other critters that run. Otherwise, I'll run like ... well, real fast!

Sharing Guam's Roads with all,

Neil Culbertson, former GRC Prez
January 2004